Log in

10:57pm 30/01/2005
mood: bouncy
Craig and I are back. Hopefully I'll be able to just put all of the cheating, drunken romps and other forms of guilt behind me and really focus on our future together. I moved in on Friday and we're living life to the fullest as we were before the break-up. I never want to lose him again.
     Read 3 - Post
09:35pm 24/01/2005
mood: annoyed
It's hard to wake up
When the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted
It's so pathetic
It makes no sense at all
I'm ripe with things to say
The words, they rot and fall away
If one stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day.

I love Craig. To death. But everyone says that friends should always be put before guys .. any guy, and JT's been my friend for as long as I can remember. I don't want it to seem like I left him to stick up for a friend, though. I just am really confused and lost right now. It seems so clichéd, I know .. but .. I don't know anymore. I'm just rambling for no reason. Because my life seems like it really has no reason. No purpose. Craig's never going to forgive me and I'm just going to have to live with that .. or not live with it.

For those of you who don't know, drinking does impair your thinking and your judgement and despite some things you've read in pamphlets they hand out at Degrassi, it doesn't always cause you to tell the truth.

What I said was sure as hell not the truth.

Go ahead, talk all you want about this whole deal but I am fortunate to have friends who are supporting me like crazy.

Thanks Manny, JT, and Jay.
     Read 3 - Post
02:28am 23/01/2005
mood: loved
Lately, everything's been juuuust peachy. First of all, Craig and I found a place. It's a sublet, therefore it was already furnished when we bought it. The wallet definitely likes that part. It's not very big at all, but it's the perfect size for the two of us. There's a kitchenette, a bathroom with a shower/bath, and two bedrooms but we only use one. Luckily, we're low-maintenance and we don't need a mansion to fulfill our desires. We're thinking about getting a pet. Now, won't that be lovely? I feel like I'm Barbie, Craig's Ken and we're in our own little pink dollhouse. That sounds so lame, but...nice.

Unfortunately, everything can't be peachy keen. Today Craig and I went grocery shopping, and when we wanted a hot makeout session little bit of quality time, guess who showed up...? The parental unit. Our cheeks were red as beets, and so were my mom's, but for entirely different reasons. She screamed at us, telling us that the stuff we've been doing is just a phase. God, sometimes I hate her. Love is not a phase.

We also went to visit Jimmy, which was quite nice. He looked extremely healthy and lively, and I totally wish the best for him and Hazel. Despite the rehab, he'll be back on the team in no time, I just know it.

Craig and I will probably skip on Monday.
     Read 2 - Post
04:15pm 20/01/2005
mood: busy
I love Craig. More than anything else in the world, but...now the future that I've been dreaming for a while now with him might not ever happen. This sounds really stupid and probably even infantile, but someday I even thought I would marry him. Have a family. But now...Ashley got there first.

Craig's calling the homeowners now of the place we found. Seems pretty great, since it's already furnished and all. I love being an "independent woman." :P
     Read 2 - Post
04:02pm 19/01/2005
mood: cheerful
Wow. It's all happening so fast, but that's totally fine with me. Craig and I found our own place. Finally our parents understand how we feel about each other.

Yeah, the police finding us out was far from fun (and neither was the two-hour lecture), but it all turned out okay in the end.

Right now we're staying at the inn by Degrassi, so if you're looking for us at our houses, we're not going to be there.

And, we probably won't be coming back! This is so exciting.
09:51pm 17/01/2005
mood: ecstatic
Where are Craig and I? Somewhere we can't tell you, but it's definitely somewhere great. Somewhere where we can finally be ourselves.

For those of you who are worried, don't be. Whatever happens, happens to both of us. Together. And that's what we want.

Just please let Mr. Simpson and my mom know that we're doing fine. Better than we've ever felt in our entire lives.
     Read 1 - Post
02:13am 17/01/2005
mood: determined
Can any of you give this to Mr. Simpson today?

I might not be returning for a while.

Dear Mom and Snake,

You might have noticed that both Craig and I were missing today. And no, it's not because we're trying to test you, act like hooligans or get ourselves into trouble. It's because we love each other, and nobody seems to understand it.

We've decided that the only way to express our feelings for each other without the fears of getting caught is to escape. We're doing just fine and everything is under control. We'll never return unless our love will be accepted.

We are not two stupid kids who know nothing about love. We are two kids who know we can't stay apart from each other.

We miss you and love you, but we can't give up our relationship.

We know it's hard, but you must understand.

- Emma</strike>
12:39am 17/01/2005
  Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously.

A story, a secret, a confession, an apology, a fear, a love - anything.

Be sure to post anonymously and honestly.

Post as many times as you'd like.

Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and maybe people who you didn't even know read your LJ) have to say.
     Read 3 - Post
09:57pm 16/01/2005
mood: excited
Paige, you're such a sweetheart. How can I ever repay you? Thanks so much. Craig and I both really appreciate it.

I'm sure all of you will be suprised to know that I'm entering the Snow Queen Winter Formal Pageant. I thought I'd try something new. :) It's also extra fun because's Craig's running for Snow King. <3

Thank you, Craig for agreeing to stay away from JT. I love you.

Formal Dresses that I liked. Don't make me choose!Collapse )
     Read 5 - Post
10:16pm 15/01/2005
mood: numb
There I was, boiling over with happiness. Nothing could go wrong. The guy that I absolutely adored (and still do) had forgiven me for screwing up hugely...

And now it's over. For good.

The only slightly positive news is that the test I took at the clinic came out to be negative. But I was far from relieved. I was shattered. Totally shattered. Because I'll never get to see Craig again. See him romantically, anyway. I'll never get to sneak out of my bedroom window to kiss him on the park bench all night, and I'll never get to share fraps with him at The Dot. Never, ever again.

It's because of my parents. And his parents. They don't want us to have anything to do with each other. After the pregnancy scare, my mom's willing to kill Craig (not to mention me) and Joey's ready to kill me (not to mention Craig). I hate my life. I hate it.

We can sneak around. We can make out when nobody's looking. What's the big deal? Piece of cake, right? Wrong.

It'll be awfully difficult to show signs of affection with Snake being the Media Immersions teacher along with Joey's daily visits to Degrassi.

All I can do is just think about him. Long for him. Because it's never gonna happen again.
     Read 6 - Post
10:06pm 13/01/2005
mood: melancholy
I screwed up. Horribly. I would erase it all if I could, but I don't think that it's going to happen.

Craig, I love you. I always will. And I hate myself for breaking your heart. I absolutely hate myself. JT and I were just a fling. Sleeping with him was just a spur of the moment type thing, and I wasn't and still am not in love with him. Please, forgive me. I love you. Please.
     Read 1 - Post
10:24pm 12/01/2005
mood: chipper
I love Craig. So much. But he no way in hell should feel the same.
     Read 1 - Post
10:35pm 10/01/2005
mood: calm
I spend my days watching other people screw up and bask in the glory of how I would never do something even remotely similar to what they would do. (An example of this is the Manny, Craig, Ashley situation.) But now, it would be totally hypocritical to even think about insulting what my peers do with their lives. I can't believe this happened...I liked it at the time, but I hadn't the faintest idea that it would turn into what it turned into. What if Craig finds out? What if the baby that possibly could be developing in my stomach right now could belong to him? I'm so stupid I could die. Really. Nobody would care. Especially not my parents, who probably will want me dead after they hear I'll probably need a ride to the clinic this weekend.

I'm glad that Manny and Jay's whole meet-the-parents fiasco turned out well. I knew that it would, I'm psychic. =P
     Read 2 - Post
02:41am 08/01/2005
mood: hyperactive
Seems as if everyone is doing this, so I'll jump on the bandwagon!

Reply to this with your name and I'll:

1. Write something GREAT (well, maybe not great...just kidding) about you.
2. Tell you what song[s] remind me of you.
3. Describe you in one word.

C'mon, it's fun! (Snagged from Manny.)
     Read 8 - Post
11:46pm 07/01/2005
mood: energetic
Today was my mom's birthday, and we threw a huge party for her. Unfortunately I had to slowly wean myself throughout the first stages of my first day without Craig, but it was altogether a load of fun. There were mammoth slices of chocolate cake as well as good laughs with friends and family. I thank Manny for coming. Mom loved her bath set. Unfortunately, we'll have to smell Tropical Passion Fruit Princess for weeks in the shower, but we'll live. :)

I can't just be casual about this anymore. I have to do something about this. But is it too early? I mean, it happened two days ago...there might be nothing to be worried about...yet. Who will take me to the clinic? And even if someone like Manny's mom took me, my mom would eventually have to know. And that couldn't happen. No way. Especially with Craig, after she flipped out the other night. I just don't think I can take it anymore. There must be some way I can go. Some way.
05:02pm 06/01/2005
mood: in love
Dedicated to Craig. I think it fits the overall relationship we've had over the years. <33

"Best Of Me" - The Starting Line

tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

here we lay again
on two separate beds
riding phone lines
to meet a familiar voice
and pictures drawn from memory
we reflect on miscommunication
and misunderstandings
and missing each other too
much to have had to let go

we turn our music down
and we whisper
say what your thinking right now
tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

jumping to conclusions
made me fall away from you
i'm so glad that the truth
has brought back together me and you

we're sitting on the ground
and we whisper
say what your thinking outloud

tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

we turn our music down
and we whisper
we're sitting on the ground
and we whisper
we turn our music down
we're sitting on the ground
and next time i'm in town
we will kiss girl
we will kiss girl

tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we won't
feeling that we cant
we're not ready to give up

we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up

What am I doing posting sappy love songs when what I really should be doing is getting tested? I'm so stupid I can't even think straight. I am such a hypocrit. I lectured Manny for doing the exact same thing I'm doing. For my whole life, I might have to either live with a child or a disease. I can't even handle the way that I am now! I'm so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
04:13pm 05/01/2005
mood: forgiving
Craig, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I stormed out, and I'm sorry that I didn't talk it through with you. I love you and I just want you to know that I might eventually become pregnant or develop an STD, this was a total mistake that we both made I love you and I was never mad at you. Just...petrified startled.

And, of course. I'd love to have a milkshake with you at The Dot. But what I really should be doing is kicking myself in the ass.

     Read 1 - Post
09:54pm 04/01/2005
mood: bouncy
(ooc) This one is actually pretty funny. Hope you guys can figure out what happened. =P This fic sucks, I know.

     Read 7 - Post
10:52am 04/01/2005
mood: cranky
{ooc} REALLY BAD late-night ficlet under the cut. Please bear with me, here.

     Read 1 - Post
11:13pm 03/01/2005
mood: nerdy
I mean it. Craig saved me. Saved me from breaking down. Saved me from eventually harming myself for life. I know. I know that he's a heartbreaker, untrustworthy. This might seem horribly cliched, but there's just something about those eyes. Those chocolate-colored eyes. They're rich, they're deep. They grab me by the hand and guide me through a place I never knew. A wonderful place. I don't know the weird tingly sensation I get when his lips brush mine. Something I never recieved from Sean, or from Chris. Something right out of the storybooks. Something magical. I feel so infantile thinking all of this...but Craig makes me feel comfortable in ways that I can feel or be anything. And he won't judge me or ridicule me. Just accept me the way I am.

My friends rule. Manny, JT and I had a great time watching corny comedy flicks that JT had brought from his gradually growing collection, and we snacked on fattening potato chips. All night long. It was drenched in seventh grade pleasure. Thanks, guys.

Lyrics.Collapse )

     Read 4 - Post